The dark side of the INTERNET

The internet is often wrongly called the virtual world. It is, in fact, the real world inhabited not merely by usernames but by real human beings. In many ways, it is more real than the tangible world because the cloak of anonymity lets people be themselves. And what millions of people become when they are allowed to be themselves is disturbing. The sheer extent of human deviancy is fast becoming clear on the world wide web. Here, we present some of the most shocking events and communities of the internet

Suicide chatrooms

Afew days ago, Kevin Whitrick, a 42-year-old Englishman hanged himself in front of his webcam, in full view of members of a chatroom, some of whom egged him on. Whitrick had logged on to an internet chatroom and announced that he was going to commit suicide. He then switched on his webcam, stood on a chair, tied a rope around his neck and hanged himself. Friends of the electrical engineer say that he had become lonely and depressed since splitting from his wife and had started drinking heavily. Whitrick’s chatroom was a not suicide club. However, there are other places on the net that overtly claim that they are suicide chatrooms.

Vulnerable youngsters come here for advice and encouragement on ending their own lives. In the last few years, pro-suicide websites and chat rooms have been implicated in the deaths of at least 16 youths in the UK. The largest site, called alt.suicide.holiday, combines a public newsgroup, chat rooms and information guides instructing visitors how to kill themselves using everything from aspirin to rat poison. In Japan, 91 people died in online suicide pacts in 2005. An online community even posted 22 ways to kill a man with bare hands. One method called the Russian Omelet instructs people to cross the enemy’s legs and “fold enemy by pinning his shoulders to the ground upside-down and placing his legs above him. Sit on his legs, folding the bass of the spine.” Some websites are known to rate suicides in terms of ease and success rate.

One such site that calls itself Church of Euthanasia, tells people to “do a good job” when they commit suicide. It says, “Suicide is hard work. It’s easy to do it badly, or make rookie mistakes. As with many things, the best results are achieved by thorough research and careful preparation.” The site goes on to discuss the pros and cons of death by shooting, hanging, crashing a car, jumping, slitting the wrists, drowning, freezing, overdosing or gassing oneself with nitrous oxide, exhaust fumes and oven gas.

Recently, two schoolboys were at the centre of one Britain’s most bizarre plot that can be variously called a suicide plot or a murder plot. They were acquitted and banned from ever seeing each other again. They escaped punishment, despite one of them admitting stabbing the other and his victim pleading guilty to attempting to engineer his own murder. The two were embroiled in a complicated “matrix of deceit” on the internet, which baffled police and computer experts for months. The court heard that the 14-year-old John met 16-year-old Mark (both false names) on the net and struck up a friendship. John was depressed and confused. He was suffering from a psychological disorder, and had retreated deep into the net and lived a fantasy existence.
He created a number of fictitious characters and situations which he manipulated to brainwash his new friend. The court was told that John had felt an “emotional intimacy” for Mark that he had never felt before and this, it was said, was the key to the whole extraordinary affair. John had persuaded his friend to stab him in an alleyway at Goose Green, Altrincham. Mark had been fooled into thinking that John was suffering from an incurable brain tumour and had only a week to live. A British Secret Service spy - one of many fictitious characters dreamed up by John, persuaded Mark to carry out a mercy killing and described precisely what he had to do. He was told that if he followed orders, which he did to the letter, he would be inducted into the Secret Service, with the added inducement of a sexual encounter with the mysterious female agent. Mark tried to carry out the instructions by stabbing his friend, using a six-inch kitchen knife. But against all the odds, John survived.

Child pornography and paedophilia

Minors, often under the online tutelage of adults, are opening paid pornography sites featuring their own images taken by affordable webcams. They perform from the privacy of their home — undressing, showering, masturbating and even having sex for the online audience — while their parents are somewhere around, just beyond the shut door. There are sites where children are forced to perform sexual acts in front of web cams. In such sites, children appear to announce schedules of their next masturbation for customers who pay fees for the performance or monthly subscription charges. Payments are usually made online.
Paedophiles today have an extensive online network. They go online to seek tips for getting near children — at camps, community gatherings and at other events. They exchange stories about day-to-day encounters with minors and even share online, printable booklets that talk about the benefits of sex with adults, to be distributed to children. While carrying out research on the paedophiles’ online world, the New York Times found that there are internet radio stations run by and for paedophiles.

Execution videos

Footage of abductees being executed by terrorists in Iraq and elsewhere is a rage on the net. These images are not shown by the mainstream media because they are extremely disturbing and it is presumed that there is an element of indecency in making a spectacle of a human’s death. The ‘Baghdad Sniper’ or ‘Juba’ is an infamous online terrorist who stalks and kills US soldiers in Baghdad and then posts videos of the killings on the web. These videos are said to be sold in Baghdad markets along with pornography.

It is estimated that more than 10 million have watched people jumping off the World Trade Center after the September 11 attack and the beheading of American captive Nicholas Berg. There is a website that specialises in posting punitive amputations and public beheadings in the Middle East. A picture on the site shows a boy holding a bouquet of chopped off hands and images of a public beating of burqa-clad women.

It’s not just terrorists who are the source of the most graphic videos on the net. There are sites dedicated to cults where members like to selfmutilate and inflict pain on themselves. People burn parts of their bodies, cut themselves, pull their hair out or punch, hit or bite themselves. Here, members talk about their feelings and share poems and masochistic techniques. Posted on the site is information on how to inflict pain on oneself by using finger nails, pins, needles, tacks, staples, plastic forks, pens, knives, chemicals, cigarettes and candles. The site warns that the severity of burns can range from minor to those that may need surgery.

Rape, incest and extreme voyeurism

Orkut hosts some communities that claim to be dedicated to people who like incest. There are groups like ‘incest threesome with momsis’ that list members who enjoy a two to three generational incest relationship. ‘Incest chat in Telugu only’ was created exclusively for those who speak Telugu and may be interested in incest. Some members post pictures of those they claim as their own relatives. Not all such pictures are hoaxes. It is reported that a boy took pictures of the backside of his mother and posted it. Members of a community do such things to gain the respect of the others in the chatroom.

The internet is also a nook where total strangers make dark pacts. Recently, three men, who had never met until their arrest, were nabbed in London for hatching a plot in a chatroom to rape two sisters. The plans came to light after one of the men apparently got cold feet and walked into the Bournemouth police station to confess what had been going on. Forty-two-year-old David Beaven tried to convince police he was merely a vigilante gathering evidence
against paedophiles but he was eventually sentenced to prison on two counts of conspiracy to rape.

Recently, an American enacting a rape fantasy game with a “victim” he met in an internet chatroom broke into the wrong apartment and assaulted an innocent woman. Thirty-five-year-old Michael Todd Howard had met his intended target on a rape fantasy chat site. In September last year, he forced his way into what he believed to be her apartment and attacked the female occupant. Howard had, however, got his wires crossed. He hit the terrified woman who fought back. He may have presumed that it was all part of the rape fantasy act but then she attacked his testicles. At some point in her violent struggle, he asked for her chatroom handle. Confused and terrified, she told him that she was not a part of any chatroom. Eventually he admitted to burglary in a San Diego court after plea bargaining his way out of an intent to commit rape, false imprisonment and possession of illegal drugs. He now faces one year in jail and probation.

In one of the chatrooms on AOL.com called rape fantasy, men get together and write about brutally violating a woman. Although AOL no longer allows words like “rape” or “sex” to be used in naming public spaces, internet users skirt the ban by coming up with inventive names. The result is that anyone seeking a “gang bang”, or a host of other sexually graphic and often violent scenarios, including “incest”, can either find it easily online, or create their own room. There are incest rooms in which participants, often teenage boys, describe horrific acts of sexual violence against female siblings.

A more disturbing trend is the rise of members-only sites in which spycam footage is uploaded. This is catching on fast in India. Regular women are unwittingly becoming sex items on the net. Videos showing girls in mall changing rooms, couples making out in elevators, cinema halls or other public places can be found on various Indian sites. Obscene shots of a girl in a skirt, captured by a mobile phone camera placed strategically on the ground, housewives bending down to pick vegetables in the open market, a girl in a low-neck top at a cyber cafe, a woman crouching to serve guests at a wedding, a chawl girl using the common toilet, are among the images posted on Indian voyeur sites. Even the picture of a fat, sari-clad woman who is travelling on the side bar of a packed autorickshaw, her torso revealed in an salacious way, has been posted.

There is an increasing number of clips of small India’s sexual escapades. These are videos taken by men of the intimates moments with their unsuspecting girlfriends. A majority of such clips are from small towns where the girls are unaware of how easily a mobile phone can ruin their lives. Small town cyber cafes where couples routinely make out in the cubicles, are a regular feature on voyeur sites. Men willingly post images of their own girlfriends to get what are called rep (reputation) points, compliments from other users of their message boards. The sleazier and more “homemade” a posted picture or video is, the higher the Rep and the source moves up in ranking.

The ultimate rave

The internet is misused rampantly for advertising, selling and promotion of drugs as well as for supplying information on illicit manufacture of drugs. In February this year, the Narcotics Control Bureau arrested IIT alumnus Sanjay Kedia, the CEO and president of an ISO 9001:2000 company in Kolkata, on the charge of trading in illicit drugs online. After taking orders from customers across the globe, the company would send the drug consignments through post with misleading names as labels. To export psychotropic substances legally, one requires an export authorisation from the narcotics commissioner. Sending the drugs through post enabled Kedia’s company to evade taxes. On Google, US-based professors Forman and Ovgu Kaynack, found that 53 of the first 100 web-page links generated by typing the phrase “no prescription codeine” were sites that offered to sell opiate medication directly or indirectly without a prescription. Thirty-five of these sites also sold barbituates, benzodiazepines, hallucinogens and other prescription stimulants.

In many instances, Forman said, the only information necessary for purchasing drugs through the sites were a shipping address and a payment method. They also found that about half the websites were registered outside the United States. Some of those sites pledged secure delivery of drugs by mail. One site promised to “reship your order for free in the event of confiscation.” Another claimed, “There is less than a one percent chance of your package being seized” because of the “high volume” of mail-order narcotics entering the United States. Even in Japan where the use of narcotics is far less, more than 406 kilograms of drugs were confiscated last year alone. The sale of drugs on the Internet seems to have proven irresistible to many Japanese in their 20s.

Ordering medicines online has its dangers. In Washington, recently, a prescription drug called Haloperidol which is used to treat schizophrenia, was mailed to some consumers who had ordered other medications through the internet. The buyers had to seek emergency treatment because they could not breathe. Those were spurious drugs. The packages were postmarked from Greece but it was not known where the pills were manufactured. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) used the occasion to remind consumers of the possible dangers of buying prescription drugs on the web. Sales of drugs from foreign countries over the internet is illegal in the United States, and the FDA has repeatedly warned consumers not to buy them that way.

Terrorist tutorials

Al Qaida — and the global movement of terror groups it has inspired — have transferred most of their activities to the internet. In full view, as it were, terrorist groups now recruit, raise funds, do research, coordinate, spread propaganda, and wage psychological warfare. An Al Qaida website which is updated online twice a month, advises viewers how to kidnap and even points out the number of cells essential to target and hide victims. There is advice on how to handle hostages, how to negotiate (“gradually kill the hostages if the enemy stalls”) and how to release the captives.

Jihadi message boards frequently post messages with links to training manuals and do-it-yourself kits that provide step-by-step instructions on how to manufacture weapons. A website called anarchist-cookbook.com sells the anarchy cookbook that comprises a series of 26 separate books containing information on psychological operations in guerilla warfare, an Al Qaida training manual, the CIA secret manual on corrective questioning, how to make explosives like RDX and how to manufacture acetone peroxide in a kitchen, among other things. Terrorist sites also have extensive information on hacking tools.

Terrorists have established their own online universities that serve as jihad academies and even sell merchandise like T-shirts, badges, flags, videotapes and cassettes. Online terrorist fundraising has become so commonplace that some organisations are able to accept donations via the popular online payment service, PayPal. According to Haifa University’s Gabriel Weimann, whose research on the subject is widely cited, over the last ten years the number of terrorist sites has jumped from less than 100 to more than 4,800. TNN
[With inputs by Sharmila Ganesan, Sabrina Buckwalter, Ketan Tanna, Mohammed Wajihuddin and Bella Jaisinghani]

Source from: The Times of India
Posted by: Joni Poetra

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Reading Minds and Judging People

People think that by knowing other people, or reading their minds, we can be effective in the world. This is not true. If you know yourself, you can become very effective. If you do not make any attempt to read, perceive or judge something, but simply learn to look at everything the way it is, you will see things the way they are. But if you make an effort to read people's minds-maybe sometimes you will, because after all you do have a mind-you can read certain things, you have perception, you can judge, but these judgments, what will you do with them?

So, this is not a judgment, this is not a reading. This is a deeper understanding of life, that first when you meet a person, you bow down to the source of life within her, with that you have no conflict or have no judgment. First address that dimension. Once you have adressed the source of life, body, mind, all these things are minor aspects. You have no great struggle with all those things. If you go about trying to read people, invariably it is a judgment, isn't it?

No human being is constant. Today she may be something that you don't like. Tomorrow morning she may be in a wonderful mood. But if you think you have read and made an impression of that person in the past, then you will miss that person the way she is right now, isn't it?

Once you get into that, it's a trap. Even if your mind makes judgments about other people, don't attach any importance to it. Because once you start making judgments, invariably, there are only two basic judgments; this is good, this is bad. Everything that you consider as good, naturally you are drawn to it and get attached to it. Everything that you consider as bad, you get repelled from it, and negative emotions will flow. So there is no need to judge. You just have to judge situations. You don't have to judge people.

Posted by: JRP

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Aloneness is the First Lesson of Love

Excerpted from The Discipline of Transcendence, courtesy Osho International Foundation. www.osho.com

Without the other we don't know who we are, we lose our identity. The other becomes a mirror and we can see our faces in it. Without the other we are suddenly thrown to ourselves. We are greatly inconvenienced because we don't know who we are when we are alone.

With the other, things are clear, defined. We know the name, we know the form, we know the person. There are some ways to define the other. How to define yourself?

Deep down there is an abyss... undefinable emptiness. You start merging into that. It creates fear. You become frightened. You want to rush towards the other. The other helps you to remain out. When there is nobody you are simply left with your emptiness.

Nobody wants to be alone. The greatest fear in the world is to be left alone. People do a thousand and one things just not to be left alone. You imitate your neighbours so you are just like them. You lose your individuality, you lose your uniqueness, you just become imitators, because otherwise, you will be left alone.

You become part of a crowd, a church, an organisation. Somehow you want to merge with a crowd where you can feel at ease, so that you are not alone.

To be alone is really the greatest miracle. That means now you don't belong to any church or organisation, you don't belong to any theology or ideology, you don't belong, you simply are. And you have learnt how to love your indefinable, ineffable reality. You have come to know how to be with yourself.

Loneliness is absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is an overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.

If the whole world dissapears this zen master will not miss anything; he will be as happy as ever. He will love that tremendous emptiness, this pure infinity. He will not miss anything because he has arrived home. He knows that he himself is enough unto himself.

This does not mean that a man who has become enlightened and has come home does not live with others. In fact, only he is capable of being with others. Because he is capable of being with himself he becomes capable of being with others. If you are not capable of being with yourself, how can you be capable of being with others?

A man who loves his aloneness is capable of love, and man who fells loneliness is incapable of love. A man who is happy with himself is full of love, flowing. He does not need anybody's love, hence he can give. When you are in need how can you give? You are a beggar. And when you can give, much love comes towards you. It is a natural response. The first lesson of love is to learn how to be alone.

Try it, to have the feel. Just sit alone sometimes. That's what meditation is all about--just sitting alone, doing nothing. If you start feeling lonely then there is something missing in your being, then you have not been able yet to understand who you are.

Then go deeper into this loneliness until you come to a layer when suddenly loneliness transforms itself into alonenesss. Loneliness is the negative aspect of aloneness. If you go deeper into it one moment is bound to come when suddenly you will start feeling the positive aspect of it. Because both aspects are always together.

Posted by: JRP

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Narsisus

oleh: Mohamad Sobary

Orang Yunani memiliki tokoh mitologis, Narsisus, yang jatuh cinta kepada dirinya sendiri. Tiap kali memandang dirinya di permukaan air, Narsisus kagum akan ketampanan wajahnya.

Novelis humoris dan tangkas memainkan ironi, Paulo Coelho, dalam kisah pembuka novelnya, The Alchemist, menceritakan betapa banyak peri hutan merasa iri kepada telaga, tempat tiap pagi Narsisus mengagumi dirinya.

"Enak ya kamu, tiap pagi memandang wajah tampan dan mata jernih itu," kata peri hutan.

"Apa dia tampan dan matanya jernih?" jawab telaga.

Lho, kamu melihatnya tiap pagi bukan?"

"Tidak. Aku tak sempat melihatnya sebab tiap kali ia jongkok di tepiku, aku sibuk memandang kejernihan wajahku sendiri yang terpantul di matanya."

Saya kagum membaca ketangkasan humor novelis ini. Dengan ringkas dan bagus ia hendak mengatakan, seperti para psikolog yang berurusan dengan "abnormalitas"—bahwa si telaga, mungkin maksudnya kita—sering lebih narsisisus daripada Narsisus sendiri. Sering kita berperilaku tak sehat, narsisme, tetapi tak menyadari bahwa kita mengidap gangguan jiwa.

Gejala tak sehat ini direkam pula dalam buku Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for The True Self (Drama Anak-Anak Kita: Membedah Sanubari Mencari Diri Sejati) yang menguraikan betapa berjuta-juta anak di dunia menjadi korban watak narsisme orangtua mereka sendiri.

Kemudian anak-anak itu berangkat dewasa, secara narsistis pula. Dan ketika menjadi orangtua, mereka pun memperlakukan anak-anak seperti dulu mereka diperlakukan secara tak sehat.

Cinta orangtua yang narsistis tadi, pada hakikatnya wujud cinta pada diri mereka sendiri. Orangtua menyayangi anak bukan demi si anak melainkan demi diri sendiri.

Dan kita pun sering diperhadapkan pada sikap tak terduga. Anak yang tampak manis dan lembut, ternyata menyimpan potensi "bom" rasa cemas, takut, frustrasi, juga dendam secara sosial, dan dengan mudah meledak. Anak bunuh diri tanpa alasan masuk akal. Orang dewasa membunuh dengan kejam orangtua, istri, suami, atau anak sendiri juga tanpa alasan masuk akal.

Tentu saja tak masuk akal, sebab semua alasan terpendam di bawah sadar, disembunyikan rapat di balik rasa cemas yang disulap menjadi kepatuhan. Mereka patuh bukan karena patuh, tapi karena takut.

Menjadi anak saja sudah sulit. Apa lagi menjadi anak di dalam keluarga otoriter. Menjadi rakyat itu sulit, jalanan macet, dan harus mengalah dengan frustrasi tiap kali ada pejabat lewat dengan kawalan polisi.

Kita takut pada orangtua otoriter, guru galak, polisi, satpam, tentara, pengawal presiden atau wakil presiden, ajudan menteri yang lebih dari menteri, atasan di kantor yang melebihi kuasa Tuhan, dan sikap banyak Bank yang mempekerjakan preman kejam menjadi "debt collector" berjiwa jin dan hantu.

Mengapa kita sering membikin takut orang lain, dengan rasa bangga? Mengapa kecemasan orang lain menjadi kebahagiaan kita? Mungkin karena kita pun tak sepenuhnya waras.

Para selebriti—intelektual maupun yang sama sekali tidak intelek dan sebetulnya membosankan—hati-hatilah terhadap pengagum, atau pencinta fanatik. Banyak tokoh dunia dibunuh—juga Ghandi yang mulia dan agung—oleh pencinta dan pengagum fanatiknya.

Mengapa banyak pencinta dan pengagum fanatik pada tokoh publik? Mungkin karena pada dasarnya banyak orang tak pernah mendapat—dan karena itu membutuhkan—cinta dan kekaguman. Lalu mereka mengagumi orang lain demi diri mereka sendiri.

Pengagum sobat saya, kiai AAgym, berbalik menjadi dengki, marah, mengutuk, karena sobat ini dianggap cermin diri mereka, tapi cermin itu dibikin retak. Diri mereka yang cemas, merasa kurang, merasa rendah, dan berharap, tiba-tiba dikecewakan. Dulu AAgym pasti tak terlalu sadar bahwa kekaguman yang menjulang ke langit dari begitu banyak warga yang butuh kagum, pada dasarnya juga potensi kebencian. Kiai ini mungkin mengira mereka kagum pada dirinya, padahal orang-orang itu kagum hanya pada diri mereka sendiri seperti Narsisus dan Telaga dungu itu,

Cinta mereka tak sama dengan cinta pada Negara, yang menurut John Lenon membuat orang rela "to kill or die for" rela berkorban. Cinta dan kekaguman publik pada tokoh agama, seni, ilmu, filsafat, dan tokoh politik yang bisa mudah menang pemilu, disertai "bom" kemarahan, jengkel, kecewa, benci, dan niat balas dendam, dari memanggul setinggi langit ke niat mengubur dalam-dalam hingga kebencian terpuaskan.

Sekarang para tokoh politik mungkin mulai sadar, betapa tak sehat suasana pemujaan politik di masyarakat. Sang Terpuja, pelan-pelan diancam kebencian, kemarahan, rasa kecewa, frustrasi, dan serangan politik bertubi-tubi. Musuh politik menari-nari di atas kebencian terhadap orang lain.

Ini pun sebenarnya kedunguan yang tak disadari. Dikiranya dirinya tak mungkin dikenai sikap serupa. Kenapa kita tak mampu mengelola cinta dan kekaguman tetap menjadi cinta dan kekaguman?

Karena kita terbius popularitas. Kita terbius aroma pujaan, dan lupa membalas dengan kerja keras untuk mewujudkan harapan. Jangan lupa, di dunia politik, pendukung, pencinta, pemuja, tim sukses, intinya mendukung, mencintai, memuja, dan menyukseskan harapan mereka sendiri. Begitu harapan dikecewakan, mereka siap mengasah pedang pembunuh naga.

Pengagum, atau pemuja, juga dungu. Orang kok dipuja. Salah sendiri. Watak fanatis harus diubah. Kita mencintai, atau memuja secara dewasa. Dan kalau orang cukup dewasa, ia tak perlu pujaan. Akal, rasionalitas, dan hati harus seimbang supaya kita bisa meminta dan bisa memberi.

Kalau memberi—cinta dan pemujaan—ya harus memberi. Kita tak boleh terus-menerus naïf, cengeng dan mentah dalam menyikapi tokoh. Kita tak boleh terlalu dekat Narsisus.

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Belum Haji Sudah Mabrur

Sumber: dari sini
Ini kisah tentang Yu Timah. Siapakah dia? Yu Timah adalah tetangga
kami. Dia salah seorang penerima program Subsidi Langsung Tunai (SLT)
yang kini sudah berakhir. Empat kali menerima SLT selama satu tahun
jumlah uang yang diterima Yu Timah dari pemerintah sebesar Rp 1,2
juta. Yu Timah adalah penerima SLT yang sebenarnya. Maka rumahnya
berlantai tanah, berdinding anyaman bambu, tak punya sumur sendiri.
Bahkan status tanah yang di tempati gubuk Yu Timah adalah bukan milik
sendiri.

Usia Yu Timah sekitar lima puluhan, berbadan kurus dan tidak menikah.
Barangkali karena kondisi tubuhnya yang kurus, sangat miskin, ditambah
yatim sejak kecil, maka Yu Timah tidak menarik lelaki manapun. Jadilah
Yu Timah perawan tua hingga kini. Dia sebatang kara. Dulu setelah
remaja Yu Timah bekerja sebagai pembantu rumah tangga di Jakarta.
Namun, seiring usianya yang terus meningkat, tenaga Yu Timah tidak
laku di pasaran pembantu rumah tangga. Dia kembali ke kampung kami.
Para tetangga bergotong royong membuatkan gubuk buat Yu Timah bersama
emaknya yang sudah sangat renta. Gubuk itu didirikan di atas tanah
tetangga yang bersedia menampung anak dan emak yang sangat miskin itu.

Meski hidupnya sangat miskin, Yu Timah ingin mandiri. Maka ia
berjualan nasi bungkus. Pembeli tetapnya adalah para santri yang
sedang mondok di pesantren kampung kami. Tentu hasilnya tak seberapa.
Tapi Yu Timah bertahan. Dan nyatanya dia bisa hidup bertahun-tahun
bersama emaknya.

Setelah emaknya meninggal Yu Timah mengasuh seorang kemenakan. Dia
biayai anak itu hingga tamat SD. Tapi ini zaman apa. Anak itu harus
cari makan. Maka dia tersedot arus perdagangan pembantu rumah tangga
dan lagi-lagi terdampar di Jakarta.

Sudah empat tahun terakhir ini Yu Timah kembali hidup sebatang kara
dan mencukupi kebutuhan hidupnya dengan berjualan nasi bungkus. Untung
di kampung kami ada pesantren kecil. Para santrinya adalah anak-anak
petani yang biasa makan nasi seperti yang dijual Yu Timah.

Kemarin Yu Timah datang ke rumah saya. Saya sudah mengira pasti dia
mau bicara soal tabungan. Inilah hebatnya. Semiskin itu Yu Timah masih
bisa menabung di bank perkreditan rakyat syariah di mana saya ikut
jadi pengurus. Tapi Yu Timah tidak pernah mau datang ke kantor.
Katanya, malu sebab dia orang miskin dan buta huruf.

Dia menabung Rp 5.000 atau Rp 10 ribu setiap bulan. Namun setelah
menjadi penerima SLT Yu Timah bisa setor tabungan hingga Rp 250 ribu.
Dan sejak itu saya melihat Yu Timah memakai cincin emas. Yah, emas.
Untuk orang seperti Yu Timah, setitik emas di jari adalah persoalan
mengangkat harga diri. Saldo terakhir Yu Timah adalah Rp 650 ribu.

Yu Timah biasa duduk menjauh bila berhadapan dengan saya. Malah maunya
bersimpuh di lantai, namun selalu saya cegah. ''Pak, saya mau
mengambil tabungan,'' kata Yu Timah dengan suaranya yang kecil. ''O,
tentu bisa. Tapi ini hari Sabtu dan sudah sore. Bank kita sudah tutup.
Bagaimana bila Senin?''
''Senin juga tidak apa-apa. Saya tidak tergesa.''
''Mau ambil berapa?'' tanya saya.
''Enam ratus ribu, Pak.''
''Kok banyak sekali. Untuk apa, Yu?''

Yu Timah tidak segera menjawab. Menunduk, sambil tersenyum malu-malu.
''Saya mau beli kambing kurban, Pak. Kalau enam ratus ribu saya
tambahi dengan uang saya yang di tangan, cukup untuk beli satu kambing.''

Saya tahu Yu Timah amat menunggu tanggapan saya. Bahkan dia mengulangi
kata-katanya karena saya masih diam. Karena lama tidak memberikan
tanggapan, mungkin Yu Timah mengira saya tidak akan memberikan uang
tabungannya. Padahal saya lama terdiam karena sangat terkesan oleh
keinginan Yu Timah membeli kambing kurban.

''Iya, Yu. Senin besok uang Yu Timah akan diberikan sebesar enam ratus
ribu. Tapi Yu, sebenarnya kamu tidak wajib berkurban. Yu Timah bahkan
wajib menerima kurban dari saudara-saudara kita yang lebih berada.
Jadi, apakah niat Yu Timah benar-benar sudah bulat hendak membeli
kambing kurban?''

''Iya Pak. Saya sudah bulat. Saya benar-benar ingin berkurban. Selama
ini memang saya hanya jadi penerima. Namun sekarang saya ingin jadi
pemberi daging kurban.''

''Baik, Yu. Besok uang kamu akan saya ambilkan di bank kita.''
Wajah Yu Timah benderang. Senyumnya ceria. Matanya berbinar. Lalu
minta diri, dan dengan langkah-langkah panjang Yu Timah pulang.

Setelah Yu Timah pergi, saya termangu sendiri. Kapankah Yu Timah
mendengar, mengerti, menghayati, lalu menginternalisasi ajaran kurban
yang ditinggalkan oleh Kanjeng Nabi Ibrahim? Mengapa orang yang sangat
awam itu bisa punya keikhlasan demikian tinggi sehingga rela
mengurbankan hampir seluruh hartanya? Pertanyaan ini muncul karena
umumnya ibadah haji yang biayanya mahal itu tidak mengubah watak
orangnya.

Mungkin saya juga begitu. Ah, Yu Timah, saya jadi malu. Kamu
yang belum naik haji, atau tidak akan pernah naik haji, namun kamu
sudah jadi orang yang suka berkurban. Kamu sangat miskin, tapi uangmu
tidak kaubelikan makanan, televisi, atau pakaian yang bagus. Uangmu
malah kamu belikan kambing kurban. Ya, Yu Timah. Meski saya dilarang
dokter makan daging kambing, tapi kali ini akan saya langgar. Saya
ingin menikmati daging kambingmu yang sepertinya sudah berbau surga.
Mudah-mudahan kamu mabrur sebelum kamu naik haji.
Oleh : Ahmad Tohari

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